What Am I Afraid Of, Success or Failure?

I have been doing a lot of thinking the past month and a half about my current situation.  Where do I go from here?  What is my next step in furthering my career in education?  After leaving my previous district due to actions beyond my control, these thoughts as well as many others have crossed my mind.  They have left me wondering what risks have I not taken that have landed me in this situation.  There have been a few interviews here and there, but nothing has come of those yet.  But I feel that I have a great opportunity to explore different options and find the best place to work for me.  I talked with my students many times about Dreaming BIG, and chasing their dreams.  Have I listened to my own words and chased my dreams?  There was a time that I said I would never enter the field of education because the monetary rewards were not appealing to me.  When I began my journey to becoming an educator, I wanted to be the best teacher I could possibly be.  I wanted to teach my students to love learning, become critical thinkers, and to be passionate about what they pursued.  These are still vital in the cornerstones of my educational foundation.  However, many changes have occurred in how I view and deliver these.  I have taken a few risks along the way such as changing how I spend my instructional time.  I have gone from spending most of my time talking to more time for my students doing.  For this, I had to change my mindset.  Others did not agree with my practice, but I knew it was best for my students.  Trying my version of a blended classroom to meet the needs of my students was another.  I also stopped sending homework home because it became a punitive obstacle for many of my students.  I was afraid of what others might think of the changes I had made.  I was afraid that I would fail and be asked why I attempted this ridiculousness.  I was also afraid that if I succeeded what would I do next to top this feat.  My students thrived in this model that I had transformed into my own.  Their scores were some of the highest in the school, even the district.  The success was bitter sweet.  I had to leave because of pressure from others because they did not understand or did not want to understand the benefits of my student’s classroom experience.  So now here I am, looking for whatever is next in my journey.  What am I afraid of?  Am I afraid that I will have to move beyond my comfort zone to continue my journey? Am I afraid that I will find the success I have been longing for?  Am I afraid that I will fail miserably at new endeavors?  To these questions I have to say, YES!  I am afraid that I will find success and failures as I always have since I began this journey many years ago.  I know that failure is a key part of having success.  Failing is just so difficult!  To grow as an educator you must experience failure and rise from it to become a Phoenix.  Success and failures will be experiences as they always have.  We should not be afraid of them.  We need to embrace them, and look for opportunities to grow.  The opportunities for success are there beyond the risk and failure.  It is time we become fearless and embrace what we want to become.  This is what I expect my students to do.  It is time to learn the lessons I teach for myself.

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